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Author Topic: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!  (Read 6430 times)

Offline Rudolf Hucka

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'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« on: July 11, 2008, 03:00:43 PM »
Right, we''re starting off here in the ''Everything Else'' section and maybe Kalkan Johnnie will upgrade us to General Discussion if he''s in a good mood.  My friend Mustafa(aka Crusty Musty) and I would like to invite you all to an evening of fun and the odd frolic.  We have decided that if Simon Cowell can do it then so can we-hence *KALKAN IDOL* a fantabulous night of one-off acts never before seen East of Kalkan.  Both of us already have the high waisted trousers, but ours have braces attached!
It will be at the Yacht Point, I have already booked this for Saturday 15th September, BOOM BOOM is off for the night and the evening will be kicked off by Yacht Point''s very own ''Big Al'' who has promised to stay off the Raki for a few minutes to give us his very own signature tune ''I WANT TO DANCE WITH A BIG PANTY WOMAN''. I had to promise him another slot towards the end of the evening otherwise he wouldn''t get us all the extra seats which I know will be needed.
I personally have booked that Travel Tottie, you know the one-blonde hair, always hanging about outside Abi Travel, anyway she does a specialty act with a rubber chicken, 2 cans of WD40 and a boomerang-yes it''s mind boggling I know but we need the glamour for the evening!
A brave group of Builders have approached me- they want to do a rap version of that well-known song ''Anything you can buy I can build in front of'' They have anticipated a heated response to their act so will perform on the night from a boat moored out in the bay!  Coppers1 please note we may need crowd control at this point!
The Jandarma have shown an interest- a few of them want to do their very own version of that popular song YMCA complete with actions, they have assured me that the one dressed as a cowboy was very well received when they toured the mountain regions during the Winter.  For the sake of decency they will all wear thongs for this performance and audience participation will not be allowed!
OK, so now you know the sort of acts we''re looking for-anything unusual considered-so don''t be shy and remember as yet we don''t have an act to top the bill (in fact if anyone knows that woman from the Korsan Apartments who does a really good version of ''For a Turkish Delight I''m Yours For The Night'')tell her we might consider her if she keeps her clothes on!
There''s also a competition for you all to take part in-just complete the following verse:
There once was a waiter called Ali....

Thank you one and all, I look forward to your postings I must go now my medication is wearing off

Linkback: https://www.enjoykalkan.com/forum/the-everything-else-area/30/kalkan-idol-look-out-simon-cowell/1954/

Offline fidimax

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2008, 04:32:21 PM »
Have they added a new "blend" of tobacco into the hookas in kalkan,there are some very strange posts appearing this week ?  :P O0 ;D >:D
EFES TIME AGAIN !

Offline Chucky

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2008, 07:40:31 PM »
Rudolf,
I''ve had a word with the woman from the Korsan Apartments and unfortunately she is not available for that night. However, she is practising a new routine called "For your Eyes only" and once she has perfected it, will send you a PM!!!!!
 :o

Offline JACQUIVIVA

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2008, 12:24:33 PM »
Rudolf am really enjoying your reports loved Cheaper then a taxi and follow ups from other members, wish i was as funny and i wish i could  make the Kalkan Idol evening sounds very interesting.
P.S. I should leave off the medication your too funny to subdue  8)

Offline Chucky

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2008, 09:15:07 PM »
Here is my entry for the competition, and I am looking forward to reading the other entries

There once was a waiter called Ali
Who went for a drink in the Yali
"I''ll cover the bill
If you all drink your fill"
And got trampled to death in the melee

Joan
 ;D

Offline Lorretta

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2008, 01:36:46 AM »
o.k so here goes:

There once was a waiter called Ali
who worked really hard day and night
he really was desperate to marry
but just couldn''''t get it quite right.

There were lots of ladies to choose from
but each had her own unique flaw
I will elaborate further
as I think you will want to know more.

There was Donna from Hull who seemed promising
but alas Ali found out in time
that Donna was fond of the Raki
he took that to be a bad sign.

Then there was Jo from London
she seemed so sweet and so kind
but Ali found out about her husband
surely he really would mind.

Rhonda from Wales was so sexy
she really made things "arise"
but Rhonda was also not honest
and Ali discovered her lies.

Chelsea from Crawley was better
at least so Ali thought
but she was a double crosser
he decided she wan''''t his sort.

By now Ali was desperate
he really needed a wife
but all were so dissapointing
he thought this is far too too much strife.

And so Ali concluded
his search was really in vain
but he is still trying
and having a great time just the same!


« Last Edit: July 13, 2008, 11:19:18 AM by Lorretta »

Offline hel66

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2008, 06:19:11 AM »
I''m surprised Ali is so fussy, it usually doesn''t make a difference, as long as she''s got a bank account.
Save Kisiltas- ban the D400

Offline Derya

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2008, 07:46:38 AM »
Bit of a generalisation there hel66, be careful who you could upset.

Offline Rudolf Hucka

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2008, 04:53:38 PM »
Well done, I''m glad to see you''re all getting the hang of it  I''ve had a lot of interest in the show, they''re stopping me in the street!  There are a group of waiters wanting a spot during the evening, they want to sing a medley starting with "It''s Not My Granny I''ts My Girlfriend!" that should get  them all going wouldn''t you say? I myself will do that old song " These sessions must stop my dear Edna, my wooden leg is giving me gyp!" and Musty wants to sing "I''m up for it Doris-take your teeth out!"
I''ve had an enquiry from a woman who lives up near the petrol station-she tells me her name is Lucy Lastic but I have my doubts.  Anyway, she does a novelty act to that old Beach Boys number  ''Good Vibrations'',she even brings along her own equipment and she tells me that it does involve a bit of role play, dressing up and some audience participation. She will perform on the night with all 40kgs of her accessories and she hopes to recoup some of the money that she had to pay for excess baggage on the way in!   Now JoanH thank you my dear for your efforts outsde the Korsan Apartments, I will consider your act but I''m not sure about the bit with the cheese borek! We can''t be too risque you know.
I''ve had a bit of bother with that woman from the clothes shop underneath Ibo-curly hair you know the one-I was only hanging about perusing her goods as I had nothing better to do at the time, when I noticed that cat that is always sitting on the counter-she still hasn''t sold it and she must have had it at least 3 years-I simply asked if I could stroke her pussy and she turned into a mad woman and threw me out of the shop! I ended up in Coast, where I must say I was very well received and have agreed that they can do a turn towards the end of the evening.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE WILL NOT BE ANY PAYMENT FOR ANY OF YOU LOT ON THE NIGHT! I KEEP GETTING ASKED ABOUT THIS AND I MUST TELL YOU THAT ALL MY PENSION GOES ON MEDICATION (IT COMES IN THE BOTTLE WITH YENI ON THE FRONT) SO YOU WILL ALL BE PERFORMING FOR FREE, GOT IT? ::) :P :-[ :-X

Offline hel66

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2008, 06:26:23 PM »
Any comments Derya?

Offline tuttifrutti

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2008, 07:39:09 PM »
There once was a waiter called Ali
So slim and so fair, what a treat
When chatting up all of the ladies
They simply would fall at his feet.

He doesn''t mind if they are older
He''ll listen to their tales of woe,
He  tells them that age doesn''t matter
They''ve had longer to save up their dough!

He''s got his girls all on a rota
Two-weekly-it seems to work well,
A master at the art of deception
Those girlies they never can tell.

I will come in your dreams he will tell them
On a white horse to you, only you
Just don''t tell your friend that you''ve seen me
Cos she is reserve number two!

He sometimes has two in the same week
He juggles his schedule with care
A master at manipulation
No wonder he''s losing his hair!!

And when the season is over
He''ll go on holiday somewhere nice just to chill,
He will drink and relax and wear nice clothes
Cos some silly girl''s paying the bill!

If you''re happy to be Ali''s great love
For two weeks of the year then just think
There''s at least another 50 great loves
Which makes you ''The Weakest Link''

Goodbye---


Offline Chucky

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2008, 10:18:49 PM »
You''ve made us laugh,
You''ve made us chuckle,
But watch out gang
You''re getting too close to the knuckle!!!!

Please do not cross the line and start to get offensive or personal.   :o

Offline Derya

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2008, 08:31:37 AM »
My comment was my opinion of which i am entitled to.

We all just need to remember from time to time that whilst most of the english users of this website understand the tongue in cheek nature of the posts we must not forget that a Turk even with the best of spoken english might not necessarily understand this whilst reading english and take it at face value.

Comments have been made on numerous occasions about how threads are sometimes hard to follow and I believe a one line comment regarding the integrity of your host nationality ( ok, which was made tongue in cheek) could cause offence as it will be taken as mentioned earlier on face value.

Sometimes it seems to be forgotten that we should be encouraging and welcoming the indiginous population of Kalkan to use this site.

Offline Clive

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2008, 12:57:08 PM »
Sorry to sound a misery but i feel that this subject has got out of control and is certainly not the sort of posting I would expect to read  on the forum, this is a joke too far.

Offline tuttifrutti

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #14 on: July 14, 2008, 01:53:45 PM »
Sorry Clive, my friends and I had such a laugh writing our rhyme and as it was fiction didn''t see how it could offend! Whilst we accept that some people want the Forum to be totally serious, we are in the ''Everything Else'' area and not the Political or Gospel Truth Area so lighten up a bit and leave us alone to have a laugh.  We didn''t mean to offend, but in the real world these things do happen and not just in Turkey! I''m sure that there are far more serious events going on in the world right now that you can give your attention to rather than worrying about wether or not some fictitous waiter called Ali ( or Fred, or Pierre etc) might get his feelings hurt!

Offline bluefudge11

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #15 on: July 14, 2008, 02:44:02 PM »
LOL !! gets my vote  ;D

PS A Sense of humour bypass is reversable !  ::)

Offline routemaster

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2008, 03:09:26 PM »
There are worse things to do in Kalkan than have a laugh on a forum. I thought it was all pretty funny, good-natured and nothing more than that.

Offline MartynE

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #17 on: July 14, 2008, 03:57:39 PM »
LOL !! gets my vote  ;D

PS A Sense of humour bypass is reversable !  ::)

Sadly, that is rarely the case. Normally the humour sensors have wasted away by the time the reversal operation takes place. After all, it doesn''t take long; a few weeks in Brown''s Britain is enough to destroy the hardiest of humour sensors.  ;)

Offline bluefudge11

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #18 on: July 14, 2008, 05:20:24 PM »
I think the sensor regeneration process is directly proportional to the Efes consumption divided by the pecentage UK doomandgloomage 8)

Offline Chucky

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Re: 'KALKAN IDOL' look out Simon Cowell!
« Reply #19 on: July 14, 2008, 05:22:15 PM »
The "Everything Else" Section is specifically for the kind of topics or posts that are not covered in the Main Forum and to allow members to have "social interactions".

However, the EnjoyKalkan Moderation Rules apply to any posts in this section as they do in the others.

By all means use this section to tell jokes or start light hearted threads but please remember and follow the guidelines which can be found at the Start of the main Forum page.
If you are unsure whether something is appropriate or not, that please contact the EnjoyKalkan Safety Team for advice.
Joan


 


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