Safety

[BAS]

In response to PeterWilka's " Unless you have specific personal concerns about the safety of your own kids then I'd say in the politest way, mind your own business....." - I would say that the members of this forum were asked a specific question "Without tempting fate has there been any reports of issues with young people being attacked or approached at night?" Parents can choose what freedom they allow their teenage offspring, but as a forum we would have been remiss not to answer the question in an honest way. I love Kalkan, but do know that it is not perfect. Nasty things can and do happen anywhere - even in Kalkan and we should not be blind to this.

[Babs]

When I responded to the original question it was to give my honest opinion of our and our daughter's experience of Kalkan in order to be helpful. Like many others on this forum I have visited Kalkan several times so think I have a really good feel for the place. As many have pointed out nowhere is completely safe....we live in a small village and there are places I don't like walking at night.....but Kalkan is safer than many places. As I have previously said it is about setting rules and boundaries to ensure youngsters have as safe a time as possible while still having freedom and fun....surely this is what parenting is all about, considering the risks and then setting the conditions? I am really sorry to hear of the people who have run into problems in Kalkan but as kalkanlover says "nasty things can happen anywhere".

[BAS]

Yes, nasty things can happen anywhere - but does that mean we should not voice our concerns when asked a direct question?

[Babs]

No of course it doesn't BAS but equally I should not have been made to feel like a bad parent for sharing my family's experiences which are based on our understanding and knowledge of the situation and our daughters. At no time have I made anyone feel belittled for expressing their opinion and have sympathised with kalkanlover for her unfortunate experience. It is for Beylihan to make their own decisions about what to do when in Kalkan for either them or their youngsters. I know when the question of teenagers and Kalkan has come up before on this forum many regulars have answered saying that they feel it is safe for young people to be out and about - within limits - but they have chosen not to get involved in this discussion. Frankly I don't blame them as all I did was explain our experience in a balanced way and have been openly judged on a public forum! My last word on the subject..... and if I didn't enjoy this forum so much and get such useful information from it then this would be my last visit.

[helen1]

I haven't visited the forum for a few days so have missed the heated debate. I like Babs enjoy the site but am increasingly reluctant to express an opinion because of the judgemental response that you often receive. My children have been out and about in Kalkan for several years, as I said, and we have always felt that they will be as safe as they can be.Teenagers need to learn to take some responsibility for themselves and for me Kalkan has been a good place to try this. We like Babs have always given them the freedom to explore being teenagers but also the tools to deal with any situation that may be unwelcome. They have been given guidelines and rules to follow that we would give them in any situation. We have told them to stay in a group, watch their drinks at all times ( although they tend to spend their time chatting rather than drinking) and to never walk home alone. They too have always been in contact via text....we are lucky that we live in an age where this is now possible and much to their amusement actually returned before us on several occasions this year. So my answer would still be 'yes' but as with any place 'take care of yourself and look out for each other'.

[MartynE]

From what I have seen, if there is a danger to young girls in Kalkan, it is more likely to come from young British males than the locals.

Just saying.

[Firecat]

Can I just say as one of those who is presumably being classified as ‘judgemental’ that I only raised my eyebrows because I was genuinely surprised that 15 year olds were being allowed to trawl the bars of Kalkan until dawn. That’s not a comment on parenting, just an expression of surprise because I suspect different rules apply at home. I accept that Kalkan is probably ‘safer’ than an inner city but as for ‘safe’? No. My point was one about perhaps dropping one’s guard too much when on holiday as if the resort has some sort of enchanted status which protects minors from harm. My concern comes from a particular experience affecting the family of some very close friends. I have to point out that this was not Kalkan, it was not even Turkey, but it was a very similar environment in terms of the size and ambiance of the resort. The 14 year old daughter of these friends was out and about in the town one night having implored her parents to cut her some slack and they had only agreed on the basis that she went with the older daughter of the friends they were holidaying with who was 18. At some point that night the two girls became separated and eventually the tearful 18 year old turned up back at the villa saying that she could not find the younger girl. It later transpired that the girl had been ‘befriended’ by some people when she became distressed at having lost her friend and they offered to help find her. One of them suggested that the older girl had said that she was heading for another bar and that they would take her there. En route she was dragged into a side street and attacked by three men. I cannot begin to tell you the impact this event had on both families. I accept that this sort of thing can happen to anyone of whatever age, but I think that as ‘streetwise’ as 14/15 year olds appear to be these days they are still children and lack the emotional maturity that might otherwise protect them from taking naive risks. So I apologise if my comments offended anyone – it’s just that this thread brought everything back in terms of this incident.

[Babs]

Thanks for apologising Firecat - I did feel judged when I was simply relating my experience to help. It is very sad to hear about your friends.....something like that must certainly be devastating. It reinforces the need to set clear boundaries and rules to support youngsters to be as safe as possible but sadly we know that these sort of things can happen to anyone at any age as you say. The message is to be vigilant at all times and definitely for young people especially to stay in touch and stay together.

[helen1]

Thank you for your message Firecat and my apologies if I sounded unfriendly. The experience your friends went through must have been horrendous and explains why you were so concerned.... I would be too. I think being a parent is quite the most difficult job in the world and none of us ever know if we've got it right!! It is especially difficult making decisions when we hear so much in the media about the awful things that happen around the world.
From a mum whose 18 year old daughter is out tonight and has just sent a text to say ' do I have to text you when I get back to my friends house as usual?!!' What do you think shall I be brave and assume her friend's mum will let me know if there's a problem?

[Babs]

Absolutely not Helen....it is your daughter's responsibility to get in touch with you! My daughter's 20 year old friend is staying with us at the moment and she text me last night to say she had returned from a night out....mind you she made so much noise crashing around that I had noticed!

[helen1]

And of course you and I know all about the dangers in Tunbridge Wells don't we!!!

[Babs]

I forgot you were local Helen! Actually I've heard of more kids getting into trouble in T Wells (mostly boys actually) than Maidstone where my daughter chooses to go for nights out....no wonder she is so streetwise!!??